Post Fantasy Game Interview (With Myself)

Sometimes you have to process through your stupidity to identify where you went wrong so you don’t repeat the same stupid mistakes. I seem to be using the word “stupid” a lot. Anyway, I conducted this interview with myself to talk through the Hail Mary’s game plan, the basis for my decisions, and where things went wrong.

Me:

So coach, week 11 was a rough week for the Hail Mary’s fantasy football team.

Coach Dumbass (me also):

Nice of you to notice.

Me:

Let’s start with your quarterback Lamar Jackson. He was sick this week and missed a couple of practices and coming into Sunday was a game time decision. When he was announced inactive at 11:30am, you had to do a quarterback scramble because you didn’t have a backup on your bench.

Coach Dumbass:

Yeah, losing Lamar hurt the team, no question. A couple of generous league mates, JBunc and Waterboys, tried to throw me lifeboats with last minute trade offers for Tua and Tannehill, but I’d have to mortgage the kids for what they wanted for one week rental quarterbacks. So I scoured the waiver wire and examined the slim pickings there. Another league mate, Kendall “The Hexorcist” Lowman, a contributing writer for the Fantasy Football Bullrush, suggested I start Trevor Siemian, but Kendall is in my division and had earlier told my opponent Fink the Stink that he sent him a trade offer to help him win this week. So, how could I trust this man? I chose Justin Fields instead. He’s coming off a couple of good games, faces the Ravens and the Ravens defense this year is struggling. And with Lamar out, I figured the Ravens D would be on the field more than usual and could wear out. It was a solid process.

Me:

How’d that work out for you?

Coach Dumbass:

Watch that mouth of yours boy. It’s not my fault he was knocked out of the game with an injury.

Me:

True, but that was in the third quarter when he was 4 for 11 with 79 passing yards and 0 touchdowns. But moving on. How did Siemian do?

Coach Dumbass:

I think you know dang well how he did.

Me:

24.16 points.

Coach Dumbass:

Are we done here?

Me:

Actually, I have another question.

Coach Dumbass rolls his eyes and scratches his backside.

Coach Dumbass:

Yeah, what is it?

Me:

You had Jets wide receiver Elijah Moore in your lineup up until about 20 minutes before kickoff and then you swapped him out for Carolina Panthers wide receiver Robby Anderson. Moore finished with a line of 8 catches, 141 yards, 1 TD and 25.6 fantasy points. Anderson, however, was less than spectacular as he racked up 5.5 points. Can you explain why you made that last minute swap that cost your team 20 points?

Coach Dumbass:

Can you explain how anyone likes you? Yeah, it was a bad decision. But I knew Moore would be catching passes from Joe “The Fossil” Flacco and last week Anderson seemed to reconnect with his inner self with the return of Cam Newton.

Me:

And that was the total basis for your eleventh hour switch? Robby Anderson found himself?

Coach Dumbass:

Pulling up his sweatpants over his pot belly said, Well yeah, sort of…

Me:

Sort of?

Coach Dumbass:

Yeah sort of. I also wanted Robby to have a huge day in my lineup so I could shove it up the Waterboys well hole.

Me:

Say what?

Coach Dumbass:

Yeah, remember I said he tried to trade me Tanny? Well, I sent an offer of Anderson for Tanny and he said he didn’t need frying pan hands.

Me:

Now that’s funny right there.

Coach Dumbass:

Shut up.

Me:

So let’s summarize. Your twisted paranoia wouldn’t let you trust Kendall’s Siemian suggestion and because you got butt hurt when the Waterboys rejected your trade offer, you played the lower ranked player to try to make him look stupid?

Coach Dumbass:

Was that a question?

Me:

Not really. But let me put a point on all of this. Your over emotional, irrational brain cost your team 40 points today between 2 players and the win.

Coach Dumbass:

It was Fink’s fault. He finked me.

Me:

Ok, we’re done here.

Follow me!

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